I figured since Daylon has 5 months left that I'd let you all in on the nitty gritty of this waiting thing. I usually just post something about Daylon's successes on Instagram and Facebook, but I've never really come out saying exactly WHY I'm doing this.
Really. Why would ANYONE decide to be separated from the love of their life for 18-24 months with only emails, letters, and 2 Skype calls (or just phone calls) a year as their only forms of contact? I'm pretty sure Army wives have it better in this sense haha...
Also. This is going to be a super long post. I apologize in advance! So feel free to jump around to any questions you want answered :)
So onto the Q&A section.
1. Why send off a missionary in the first place? Don't Church leaders advise against it?
The keyword here is "advise". I've had so many people tell me I'm sinning/going to Hell or going against what the Prophets have taught by sending my boyfriend off on a mission. There is no commandment, no doctrine, no written word that says missionaries should not have girlfriends while serving their mission. Yes, I realize that mission calls say to "leave all other affairs behind" when they leave, but it does not specifically say to break up with girlfriends/boyfriends. And no. I'm not justifying. Just look at President and Sister Hinckley. That is all. Plus this talk is wonderful. Look it up. :) http://www.missionaryhelper.com/talks/lockheart.html
2. Okay, so you sent him off. How did you two decide that was what you wanted to do?
Daylon and I dated for 7 months and 10 days before he left. It's really not that long of a time. But we knew after only 2 months of dating that we wanted to spend forever together. We absolutely knew that's what we wanted. But we also knew that he should serve a mission.
It's a Priesthood holder's duty and obligation to serve the Lord, even though prospects of Eternal Temple Marriage are available. At this point, the mission age hadn't changed, so we thought we would have a whole year before he left. After realizing this, we kinda freaked out. Waiting a whole year for him to leave would be SO HARD when we knew that it would be 3 years until we'd get married. We also talked about breaking up after we finished our first year of college so he could focus on preparing for his mission. Then General Conference came that October and the mission age changed and Daylon literally dropped EVERYTHING to start his mission papers. He didn't drop me though ;)
We actually prayed A LOT about him serving a mission. We prayed for comfort, for love and support, for confidence, you name it. From thinking that we had a whole year to be together to just a few months in a matter of seconds was so depressing and caused a lot of drama and crying (mostly on my part haha). Daylon's Stake President also told him he'd have to break up with me before he'd even send his mission papers in!! (I definitely don't think that's right to do... threatening someone to break up with their loved one to serve a mission.) We fasted about that. His Stake President miraculously forgot about me. His mission papers were in. A few weeks later he got his call to the Chile, Santiago West mission leaving January 30, 2013, just 8 short weeks later.
Through this whole time, I never ONCE asked him/begged him/prayed about/ or wondered if he would stay home for me. That was never in my agenda. Of course I thought life would be so much easier and without the drama and pain of him leaving for two years, but I knew and promised myself I would never ever ask him to do that. That would be completely selfish! Denying Daylon and I all these wonderful experiences and blessings just to be married sooner is foolish and detrimental to us and who we are to become because of this experience.
With all of this going on, I also prayed to know if waiting was the right thing for me to do. It takes a lot of guts and faith to send your best friend and true love off and still expect to get married at the end of it all. Many people send off their loved ones and most don't wait the entire time or end up marrying them. It's a lot of trust being put into these two years. I had to know if it was right for me to willingly get through it all. Each time I prayed, I felt more and more confident that this was what was right for us :) And here I am, 18 months later, more in love with him than I ever have been and more confident that we made the right choice. :)
3. How have you kept your relationship alive while he's gone while not distracting him?
I've actually gotten this question a lot! There seems to be a stigma that missionaries with girlfriends are constantly distracted and fail at the Work. And you know what? You're not wrong. For the most part. ;) I see so many girls send off their guys and constantly send super mushy gushy gag-worthy packages and emails and letters that even I wouldn't want to get... and we all know I'm a hopeless romantic. I've seen girls spray letters with their perfume. Seal it with a lipstick kiss. Send letters full of future talk and never anything related to missionary work or the Gospel. I've seen letters full of complaining and whining about how sad and lonely they are. The list goes on.
I don't condemn future talk. Daylon and I love it. We love having goals to look forward to. But we back everything up with scriptures and Gospel stories. We don't let future talk happen every single time. We don't fill letters with "Ohhh my gosh I wish we could kiss and cuddle and watch movies and star gaze and be sappy and disgusting right now cuz I miss you so much blah blah blahhh". Even though I know we both think about kissing and cuddling, we don't say it. Okay maybe we have sometimes... ;) But really. He's on a mission. He's serving the Lord. He's not in a foreign country to write sappy letters and pine away for me and home life. I've had to realize that. I have a separate journal where I write all my sappy, distracting feelings so he doesn't have to worry about it.
But, we do like to have fun! There's nothing wrong with making cute packages and letters and decorating them with drawings or calligraphy or stickers. There's nothing wrong with sending funny jokes, or writing poems, or having doodle wars or sending his favorite foods and a nice new tie. Daylon and I have played "20 Questions" or made up a crossword puzzle or sent coloring book pages or even the "Application to Date a Daughter of God" printout. It's a hilarious questionnaire for missionaries to fill out. Daylon's answers made me laugh so hard! Let me know if you want it and I can send it to you! :) There's nothing wrong with having a little fun along with the Spiritual stuff. Just because he's a missionary doesn't mean he can't lighten up or have fun!
We also tell each other anything and everything. Relationships are about trust and never hiding anything. Just because he's serving his mission doesn't mean this part of our relationship stops! But like I said earlier, if it's sappy and distracting, I don't say it. I've said I miss him maybe 3 times the entire 18 months he's been gone. Any more and I'd feel awful. But he's my best friend. He knows more about me than even my closest girl friends! (Sorry Sarah and Lauren...haha)
4. You always seem so positive about the wait. How do you do it?!
My dears, it's called being optimistic on the outside while you're secretly dying on the inside. Well... kinda. Haha. Have you ever missed someone or something so much that you physically hurt? Have you ever cried so much that you literally can't cry anymore? Have you ever been so ticked off at everyone and their dog getting married that you end up watching 6 Rom/Coms in a row while eating ice cream right out of the carton?
I've felt all of this and more during the wait. But I'm not going to complain to the world about it! (And I don't believe in using Facebook as a soapbox of complaints.) Plus I was the one that willingly decided to wait for Daylon. I didn't have to date him. I don't have to wait for him. I don't have to turn down dates if I'm really that lonely. I don't have to refuse to go to the YSA Ward.
But I chose him above anything and anyone else. And along with it comes the pain of missing him more than I ever thought I could miss someone. But good things come to those who wait. ;)
I have tried to be positive. Instead of seeing how far I have left, I look at what I've accomplished. I have mini countdowns every week. So take August for an example. I worked 6 days in the first 10 days of the month. I had two free days where I worked on artwork. I got my hair colored on Tuesday. My cousin came home from his mission yesterday. It's Daylon's birthday on Saturday. School starts on the 25th. It'll be 19 months down on the 30th. I have many things to count down to. I focus on those things rather than the 150 days I have left. I take it a step at a time because if I focused on the big picture, I'd go absolutely insane. I counted every single day when Daylon first left. I thought time had actually stopped! Haha :P
Also, DON'T EVER COMPARE THE WAIT TO OTHER'S. You'll end up hating yourself. I did this a lot in the beginning as well. The day Daylon left, someone got their boyfriend home from their mission. I was devastated that her 730 days had ended and mine just began all in one day. But yes, she did wait the whole time, so she was in my position at one point! Everyone starts somewhere. But the part you focus on determines your overall attitude.
5. Wait.... you're not dating? Like at all?? Or even going to the YSA Wards?!
Yep. You read that right. In the missionary girlfriend world, you have to decide if you will wait and date or don't date at all. This is a touchy subject with some MGs (missionary girlfriends) and some will get heated and argumentative. Sometimes I've been the one to get heated about NOT dating (because frankly, I feel like it's cheating), but I've come to realize that it's completely up to the person waiting and what they feel they should do. I knew from just two months of dating that Daylon and I would be together. But many people, parents and family members, ward members, and some friends included, urged me to date while he's done. Now, I never was big on dating. I never really liked it. I thought it was lame and too much effort went into dates that would end up being awkward anyway. Plus I looked at dating as finding your future spouse. And going on dates in high school were usually just for fun anyway. So when Daylon and I started talking and eventually dating, I knew our forever would happen and I knew I was done searching for my Eternal Companion. Sooo why would I go on dates anyway just to waste the guy's time and money when my heart was already stolen by my best friend? Plus Daylon, even though he encouraged me to date early on, came clean with me about 4 months into his mission about how much it hurt him to think I was dating other guys. And before you say anything,
HE DOES NOT CONTROL MY LIFE. I can date if I want. I can hang out with guys if I want (which I do. Shocker.) He's not holding me back from anything, despite what many people actually think and say to me about it. This was my decision, and the fact that he backs me up 100% makes it even easier. :)
Lots of girls date because they actually don't know that their missionary is "The One". Others date because they want the experience. Some date to keep getting that confirmation that their missionary is perfect for them. And a select few date because, "well I know we're going to get married, so why not get free food and movie tickets?"
I definitely don't agree with the last one. But hey. That's my opinion. But to the girls who date for those first reasons, more power to you! Keep it up! I just know it's not for me :)
As for the YSA Ward... the entire focus, it seems, is to get young adults married off. Well I know who I'm going to marry. I've literally had Spiritual Confirmations about Daylon and I! Sooo why put myself in a position where I keep having to turn down dates and make guys feel awful? I have THEE hardest time telling people "no" for all kinds of things, even though I'm dying on the inside to find a way out. I never ever want to hurt a guy's feelings and turn them down! So I just chose to get myself far away from those situations so it never happens. :) Plus my home ward desperately needs me to be the Primary and ward choir pianist. That's reason enough to stay.
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This was super long. Kudos to you if you read all of it! I may do a "Part 2" some time with other questions and answers. Let me know if you have any! I'm not holding anything back anymore. :)
I've just gotta give a shout out to all my MG sisters and MB brothers who patiently wait for their loved ones as they serve the Lord! I've never met another group of stronger or lovelier people before! Keep on waiting on!
As for Daylon and I.... the best is yet to come. :)
Always <3